Pete Davidson & Colson Baker (Machine Gun Kelly) Take a Lie Detector Test

[Man] Pete?

Yeah.

[Man] Colson?

Hi.

[laughs]

[Man] We're gathered here today,

to take a lie detector test.

I thought he was about to say to be wed,

I was like--

[laughs]

Oh man, I was like, cool.

[laughs]

[Man] One of you will be hooked up to

the machine, while the other one interviews,

and then we'll switch.

Cool.

[Man] So who wants to be in the hot seat first?

You, I wanna interview you first.

Okay. Yeah.

[clicking]

[dramatic music]

Is one of these questions, Do I like you?

[Pete] Oh, of course.

[Colson] As a friend? Yeah.

There's a lot of those weird ones.

It says I don't like you as a friend.

Just remember, I know you and you know me, okay?

Okay, cool.

Is your name Colson Baker?

Yes.

Do you go by the name Machine Gun Kelly?

Yes.

Are you nervous?

Yes.

[laughs]

Are you worried that you might incriminate

yourself during this interview?

Absolutely.

[laughs]

[Pete] Is there anything that you

would want to admit, before we begin?

Oh.

No.

Cool.

Do you think I could be a good rapper?

Oh my god.

No.

[laughs]

Is that true?

[laughs]

I don't think so, either.

If you gave me a beat, right now [laughs]

do you think I could freestyle?

[Pete] Yes, yes. Yes.

[Stenographer] True.

[Pete] [gasping]

Absolutely, yo.

Alright, alright, yeah.

[Colson] You'll definitely rip a freestyle.

Okay, cool.

[laughs]

Do you [clears throat] are you a better

rapper than actor?

Yes.

Do you think I'm a better stand-up comedian

than I am an actor?

Not to be lame, but I think you're great at both.

[Pete] Thank you so much.

[Colson] It's true.

It's alright, that very sweet.

Can you say that one's true, so I don't feel--

[laughs]

[Pete] It's kinda true.

[Stenographer] He's telling the truth.

Oh, okay.

[laughs]

See they tried to break, they tried to

tear us apart man.

Trying to tear us apart, you ain't gonna break us up.

[laughs]

Have you ever fake laughed at any of my jokes?

No.

I know that's true.

Is this man, funnier than me?

Who is that?

[Pete] That's Larry, the Cable Guy.

Right.

He has a catchphrase, that you'll

be a no, just off that.

[Pete] Yeah, no. Yeah, cool.

No.

Do you watch SNL every week?

I watch Pete's parts of SNL, every week.

Am I the funniest cast member?

[Colson] Yeah.

[Stenographer] That's a lie.

[laughs]

No, yeah, it's Kenan.

So, Do you think Kenan Thompson is funnier than me?

is actually the next question.

No.

He is, it's okay.

Let's get it right.

Do you think Kenan Thompson is funnier than me?

No.

[Stenographer] Fail.

[laughs]

I said it's fine.

We all think that.

Kenan is funnier than me.

Yeah. Alright.

Kenan's funnier than you.

That's cool, I'm cool with admitting that.

Do you know what the term, BDE means?

Ah, it's a gross question.

Yeah, man.

[laughs]

I should've previewed these.

Do I have BDE?

[groans]

Oh god dude.

[Pete] [beep] Jesus Christ.

I, evidently, created the shit.

Do you think I have more BDE, than this guy?

[scoffs]

Hell nah.

That dude rocks.

Yeah, that dude's too cool.

Hell no, I agree with that.

What about this woman?

Does she have more BDE, than me?

Hell yeah.

[Colson] Yeah. Absolutely.

Yeah, yeah, this isn't even fair.

You gotta show people that are like, that could

be, go the other way.

These are obvious no's, you know?

Have you ever lied to me?

No.

[Pete] I know, I'm not even gonna ask about what.

Do you smoke weed?

That's a dumb question.

What were we just doing?

[Pete] Yeah.

Do you think you smoke more weed than me?

I think it's even.

Yeah, it's even.

It's even.

Have we ever done anything together that might

be considered illegal?

Absolutely.

[Pete] Have you ever seen me naked?

No.

No.

That's true.

I want everybody to know that's [beep] true.

[laughs]

You can go ahead and say that one out loud.

No, cause everyone has been asking me.

[laughs]

You guys are very close.

[laughs]

Have I ever appeared in one of your dreams?

Jesus Christ.

My god, no but [laughs]

Is that true?

That's awesome.

I'm so glad you don't dream about me, that'd be

so weird.

Do you ever think you could live with me?

Yeah.

You are playing Tommy Lee in the Mötley Crüe

biopic right?

[Colson] Yes I am.

Did you prepare for this role?

Yes I did Pete.

[Pete] Did you have other names before

Machine Gun Kelly?

Yes I did Pete.

Did you ever think about Super Soaker Kelly?

No, but I saw a sign at Home Depot

next to a glue gun and it said Stanley Glue Gun Kelly

as, for the thing next, you know--

That's kinda cool.

It's very funny.

There's another one, whoever wrote this is

pretty clever.

What about Colson 45?

Like Colt 45?

[Pete] I guess, I don't know.

Hmm, six out of ten.

You're in Bird Box on Netflix right?

I'm in there for five seconds, but I'm in there.

Do you think that you'd outlive me in a

post-apocalyptic world?

For some reason I don't know, no I don't think

I would man.

You're oddly, you know when some people

like win the game and you're like, come on man

[Pete] how can this person I'm that guy?

You always do it.

That's true right?

Yeah.

So you're a dad right?

[scoffs]

By the way, I would like to say he is a great father!

Thank you.

That's one?

He's a great dad.

He's a great, great [beep] dad.

Me, my daughter, and Pete actually took a road trip.

Yeah and we spent Christmas together and it was

beautiful!

They don't write about that shit!

Yeah, actually.

[Pete] Yeah, I know.

[beep] off.

He [beep] up at this and this.

Yeah [beep] you dude we had Christmas together.

Did a press conference with Al Gore the other

day, nobody gave a [beep].

I wore a Balenciaga hat everybody went nuts.

Makes no sense, this world!

[laughs]

Alright.

Do you think I'd make a good dad?

Yeah.

[Pete] Hell yeah.

Yeah, of course.

You need to check that.

Will you ever let me babysit your daughter?

Absolutely.

[Pete] [beep] yeah.

You did a great job on the road trip, it was

great, you got her ice cream and we went to that--

[Pete] We crushed it.

We went to that, yeah we killed it.

We killed it.

Will you be rapping at 73?

Probably to like, us.

Yeah, I'm gonna rap to, yeah.

[Pete] Yeah to like, the homies.

But that's not it.

And y'all know that's not it, so.

You'll still rap for like us.

Yeah, I'll rap like it's in my blood,

you know what I mean, but like, you know.

[Pete] Right, yeah.

We don't wanna be like some guys just overstaying

our welcome.

Yeah I'm doing-- Being corny.

I'm done doing stand up at 55, I'm done.

No more stand up after that.

At any point during this interview did you lie

and we didn't catch you.

No I kept it 100.

[Stenographer] That's the truth.

That's true.

That's what's up.

Please tell me I get to do this to you.

♪ They don't care about you and me ♪

[laughs]

♪ Gonna be another 2 in here next week ♪

[laughs]

Is your name Pete Davidson?

Yes.

Well it's Peter, but yes.

Remember that kid at the chicken nugget spot

the other day?

Oh yeah, what did he say?

Hey I know you, you're famous.

No, no, no I'm not.

Yeah you are you're the nerd that was on TV.

Yeah, I was like dude!

[laughs]

[beep] just taking L's left and right.

Are you ready to do this?

Real life Tyga.

Yeah.

You feeling nervous at all?

[Pete] No.

I got a question man, is this a picture of you?

Yeah.

[Colson] Okay.

Is that a joint in your hand?

Yes.

It was a good night.

Now is this a picture of you?

[laughs] No.

That's Ewan McGregor in Trainspotting.

[Colson] That's exactly what it says.

[beep] stupid question.

Do people ever mistake you for someone else?

Yes.

All the time.

[Colson] They do?

Yeah, I get Steve-O, Jon Cryer, and--

Jon Cryer is bald?

Yeah, still.

And that kid from Shameless, that Ethan Cutkosky.

The kid that can't get it together!

Yeah.

Is this man your best friend?

Yes, but you are also my best friend.

I can have two best friends.

That's 100.

Is that true over there?

That's 100, he's like Slim.

Like how Slim's your best friend, you know what I mean?

You're not gonna say Slim's not your best friend.

[Colson] No, no.

That's my best friend. 100.

Do you trust him with your life?

Mulaney? Yes.

Yes, 100.

[Colson] Why is that?

Because he's proven to be trustworthy.

[Colson] Okay.

Yeah.

Do you think that we'll be friends forever?

Absolutely, 100 percent.

[Stenographer] True.

That's true.

Is it true you got dinner with Kanye?

Yes.

[Colson] Kid Cudi?

Yes. [laughs]

[Colson] Okay.

What'd you eat?

A bunch of some rich people stuff

that I don't know the name of.

Why wasn't I invited?

I don't know.

I don't know--

[Colson] Cause I was with you an hour before you went?

Cause there was three people invited?

[Colson] Who paid?

I did.

I want people to know that's true.

You paid?

[Pete] I did, that's 100.

Yeah that's right.

Who ordered the most expensive dish?

Kanye, kept ordering the whole entire time.

And I didn't know he was coming and already like

put my card down to pay cause I thought it was just

me and Cudi, and then like Chalamet showed up

and then Kanye showed up and I was like oh [beep].

And then I had to book two more gigs in Ohio.

This question is from myself, is he a dessert guy?

What kinda food--

He's a order the [beep] everything cause I can

and then we all have one bite, maybe if it, cause

[beep] you, you know, guy.

Would you say that this man is better looking than me?

No.

Not even close.

[Colson] Okay.

Yup.

[Colson] Do you have a favorite song of mine?

I have many favorite songs, it changes all the time.

But currently it is one that is unreleased that

is called Rollin.

Oh could you rap some of it for me?

Yeah, absolutely.

♪ I'm a golden boy like Oscar de la Hoya ♪

[Colson] Yeah.

Yeah, that's all I can give.

Oh facts.

Cause it's unreleased.

It's unreleased, that's what's up.

Have you ever pretended to like one of my songs

when I first played it for you?

[laughs]

That's [beep] up.

No, but there are songs that have grown on me.

That's 100.

[Colson] Oh, that's 100.

Yeah.

[Colson] Okay.

Do you think I... [laughs]

do you think I could successfully try stand-up.

Yeah absolutely, then that's really frustrating.

I think you could.

[Colson] Okay.

I think you could get pretty good at

it really quickly.

[Colson] Oh that's true.

Yeah.

I've actually done stand-up twice with Pete.

Yeah, you're very charismatic.

Yeah.

I had a 2 minute set and then I graduated to

about a 5 minute set.

[Pete] Yeah, absolutely.

Do you think you're good at stand-up?

Yes, but like not that good.

[Colson] I'd say that's false.

That's true.

No that's true.

You said that's true?

I'm not gonna lie, I don't think I'm that good.

There's many people that are better than me.

I can name ten.

I hate that, you're great.

[Pete] Off the top of my head.

Do you think you're a good actor?

Yes and no.

I'm good because I'm playing myself in this movie

that I'm out, but like other stuff, I don't think

I'm that good.

I think people just like my face, or hate it, so

it works either way, you know what I mean?

Better than me?

No, I'm not a better actor than you.

You can play characters and stuff, I can

only play myself.

Hmm, false.

[Pete] However, However.

Do you think, oh yeah, do you think you're

more smooth when it comes to flirting?

Yes.

[Colson] Absolutely, 100 percent. Than me?

[Colson] Yes. Okay.

Absolutely.

And it's, but, you're a better looking guy that I am--

No, no, no.

[Pete] But I'm better talking, yeah.

Yeah.

And also like, you look tougher and like

you're really sweet and stuff,

you're always like, people are like,

Oh my god, he's actually really sweet you know,

as opposed to like, you know I could just, you know.

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete] But we're a good duo.

100 percent.

Cause I could be like, you know that guy's

actually really sweet, and they're like huh?

Yeah, yeah, yes, facts, facts.

That's 100.

Yeah, you are better when it comes to that one.

[Pete] Yeah.

Are you afraid of going to jail?

No.

[Colson] Yeah we ain't scared about that shit.

Do you think your tats are better than mine?

No.

I think you have some good ones.

Do I have any tats that you don't like?

[Pete] Yes.

Oh, which ones?

I'm not sure but I'm sure there's like one

I could find out.

I just don't want to be a [beep] liar.

You know what I mean?

I don't love every single tat, I don't like half mine!

Half mine are [beep]

Right these questions are Davidson gonna be mad at me?

Half mine are [beep] do overs!

No!

They're trying to break us man.

[beep]

I feel it man, I know they're trying to break us.

[laughs]

Alright man.

That's what they do, that's what the press does.

Try to ruin your fun.

Have you ever used your fame to get free stuff?

[Colson] Hell yeah. Of course.

[beep] yeah.

That's the whole point of being famous, dog.

Hell yeah.

[Colson] Are you a better person now that you're rich?

Yes.

[laughs]

A 100 percent, way better.

Yeah.

That's actually facts, I was pretty shitty

when I was poor.

Yeah, I was a shitty dude when I was poor.

[Colson] Yeah.

I was angry.

I'm still shitty but like, rich about it.

No you're good.

Are there any sketches on SNL that

you wish you'd been in?

No.

If you had to write a sketch that I was in,

do you know what it would be?

No.

I would love to do one, but I don't know.

It would be a rap song, that would be preferable

but also a live sketch would be quite fun.

At any point during this interview

did you lie and we didn't catch it?

Hell no.

Facts.

That's 100.

We're 100.

That's the fifth pound of the interview.

[laughs]