Melissa McCarthy Takes a Lie Detector Test

So if you could pick your arms up for me.

Sure.

Okay, perfect.

It's a real boob-smasher, guys.

(crew laughing)

This is gonna wrap this one.

Oh, God.

[Interviewer] Are you Melissa McCarthy?

Yes.

Okay, let me talk to you.

[Interviewer] Are you 47 years old?

Yes.

[Interviewer] Are you about to take a polygraph exam?

Yes, I--

No, I am taking--

It's not a trick question thing.

Sure.

[Interviewer] Are you nervous about this interview?

Suddenly yes, in the last minute-and-a-half I'm nervous.

[Interviewer] Okay, so if you don't know

how this machine works,

it basically monitors a series of functions

for nervousness--

Yes, okay.

I'm a hundred years old.

I'm a man.

I'm a hundred-year-old man.

[Interviewer] Usually that's not how it works.

First up, comedy, do you think you're funny?

Yes.

[Interviewer] Can you tell me a joke?

What do you call a pile of kittens?

[Interviewer] I don't know.

A meow-tain.

Honest to God, I love that joke.

It's not mine but I love it.

Every time, it gets me.

Oh, it got squiggly, I don't know what that means, okay.

Who's the funniest person you've ever met?

Can it be three?

Kirsten Wigg, my husband Ben,

Maya Rudolph.

Those three had a baby, comedy powerhouse.

[Interviewer] When do you feel funniest?

When I'm not trying to be.

[Interviewer] Do you ever have trouble not cracking up

when you're on set with your husband?

Yes, yes, because I know when he's starting to go

and then it makes me have to dig my nails into my hands.

[Interviewer] Photo, please.

That guy.

(Melissa laughing)

That nameless man.

[Interviewer] Have you tried stand-up?

Yes.

[Interviewer] Were you any good at it?

I was blissfully ignorant.

I didn't know that I was probably bad at it

so I just continued talking, kind of like now.

Oh!

[Interviewer] Did you mean to fall here?

(laughing)

That was written into the script.

[Interviewer] What about here?

That one was not written in, that was spur of the moment.

I wanted to see if I could clear the couch,

and I could, just not attractively.

[Interviewer] Would you say political correctness

is killing comedy?

Somewhat.

Depends, that's a tricky one to answer.

It depends on who's talking.

I don't know how to answer that one.

[Interviewer] Is there a reason you wanted to look?

Because I gave a vague answer,

then I felt in trouble and then that one just,

as I looked at it, spiked really hard.

[Interviewer] Next up, career.

Is there a favorite role that you've played?

No, I like too many of them.

[Interviewer] Are you sure it wasn't this one?

One of them, certainly one of them.

Oh, geez, I'm really posing in front of that picture of me.

I'm posing in front of a picture of myself.

[Interviewer] You sure are.

One of them.

[Interviewer] How about this one?

I liked her, she seemed sweet.

I mean, I fell a little bit in love with all of them,

but I liked her a lot.

I'd like to take a car ride with her.

[Interviewer] Do you still hang out

with costars from past projects?

Yes, not enough.

I think once you have kids you don't see people that much,

but I do, yeah.

[Interviewer] Is this one of the people?

(Melissa laughing)

Yes, but not enough, no, not enough, but I do.

[Interviewer] And what about her?

Oh, yes, also not enough, but I do.

Look at her in yellow.

That lady, wonderful.

[Interviewer] Have you ever tried

method acting for a role?

Does acting school count?

I was supposed to be a chain-smoking alcoholic

and it was right when I started acting school

and so I drank an incredible amount of

very low-quality red wine and smoked Pall Malls all night,

and then I threw up in class.

To which my teacher said, You wanna try acting,

and I said, Great point.

[Interviewer] Do you watch your own movies?

Yes.

[Interviewer] More than once?

No, I'll, like, watch it and then if it's on,

sometimes you're like, Oh.

It's kind of like a photo album,

but no, not like every night I'm like, Let's get to it.

[Interviewer] Do you think comedy should be

considered more for Best Picture?

Yes.

For everything.

[Interviewer] Is it true that you worked

as a costumer for a dance company?

I did, Colorado.

[Interviewer] Have you ever read your own Wikipedia page?

No.

It seems weird now that I said it, I never have.

Or have I?

Or have I?

[Interviewer] Do you remember

the first audition you went on?

I don't know if it's my very first.

The end result is I was 12, I was not the neighbor type.

I don't even think there were lines,

I think I was just supposed to be, like,

visible in a bush or something,

and I literally didn't get it.

I was like, I am a neighbor.

[Interviewer] Would you call yourself

the life of the party?

No, I would not.

She looks like she's falling.

[Interviewer] Seems like a bit of a pattern.

Here's pop culture.

Do you know the name of Cardi B's new album?

No.

[Interviewer] If you had to take a guess?

Cardi B?

[Interviewer] Who's your favorite character

on Friends?

Ms. Aniston.

Right?

[Interviewer] Have you ever taken a Buzzfeed quiz?

I think so.

Like online or--

[Interviewer] Yeah.

No.

No.

[Interviewer] Are you more of a Beyonce or a Rihanna?

Beyonce.

[Interviewer] Do the words True and Stormy

mean anything to you?

Stormy, no, I just think of Stormy Daniels so yes.

True, True Grit?

[Interviewer] Do you think Khloe

should stay with Tristan?

Sure.

Sure, why not?

Are they good for each other?

Are they good for each other?

[Interviewer] Should Selena get back with Justin?

No.

[Interviewer] Have you ever Googled yourself?

Yes.

(Melissa giggling)

God, what a shame spiral.

[Interviewer] Do you think you're a good driver?

Yes.

[Interviewer] Do you ever get road rage?

I have, not a lot.

I've thrown some signs, yeah.

[Interviewer] In the movies,

you're often singing in your car.

Do you sing in your car in real life?

Yes, I do, quite a bit.

[Interviewer] In college, did you rush a sorority.

No.

[Interviewer] Have you ever gone streaking?

No.

[Interviewer] Have you ever done a keg stand?

No.

[Interviewer] Are you any good at beer pong?

Yes.

Oh!

[Interviewer] Did you ever cheat on a test?

Yes.

[Interviewer] Did you have a fake ID?

Yes.

Yes.

[Interviewer] Okay, let's get into philosophy.

Do you believe in an afterlife?

Yes.

[Interviewer] Do you think we have free will?

Yes.

[Interviewer] Could you prove it?

No.

I just proved it.

I mean, I could prove it.

That was more of a bit than a true answer, sorry.

I don't know, they're moving and they're not moving.

Oh, oh, I don't know what that means.

There's one that really against me.

Oh, okay.

[Interviewer] The machine doesn't judge, Melissa.

Do you believe in aliens?

Yes.

[Interviewer] What about the Illuminati?

Some version of it, yes.

[Interviewer] Okay, you have a moral dilemma.

A man has robbed a bank but instead of

keeping it for himself he donates it to poor children

so they can be fed and clothed.

If you go to the authorities with this information,

there's a good chance the money

will be returned to the bank,

leaving a lot of kids in need.

What do you do?

Keep my trap shut?

I wouldn't say a word.

[Interviewer] Okay, last question.

Oh, God.

[Interviewer] At any point in this interview,

did you lie and we didn't catch you?

No.

Unless it's now.