Mark Wahlberg Takes a Lie Detector Test

Arms up, this one's for your belly.

It's good for my posture.

(clicking)

[Interviewer] Is your name Mark Robert Michael Wahlberg?

Yes.

[Interviewer] Are you 47 years old?

Yes.

[Interviewer] Are you about to take a polygraph exam?

I'm already taking one.

[Interviewer] Let's start by talking about Boston.

Were you born in Dorchester?

Yes.

[Interviewer] Would you say that you're

more Boston than Matt Damon?

I'm more, much more street than Matt Damon.

Matt Damon is very cool, very Cambridge.

Dorchester and Cambridge are a little bit different.

But, Matt is a very authentic Boston guy.

[Interviewer] And, what do you think of his Boston accent?

His Boston accent is certainly as good as mine.

That's a fact.

[Interviewer] You ever eat at Duncan?

Donuts?

Not for about 20 some odd years.

Oh, wait no, maybe I had a Munchkin.

One of those little ones, plain.

[Interviewer] Is that your favorite Munchkin?

Is is now, but the chocolate glazed Munchkin

used to be the bomb when I was younger.

[Interviewer] Do the Patriots have a shot this year?

They always got a shot.

That's why everybody hates 'em so much.

'Cause they always got a shot.

Oh, I almost tilted my head there,

I almost shook my head, sir.

[Interviewer] Would you say that Jimmy Garoppolo

is a better quarterback than Tom Brady?

No.

But, I think Jimmy Garoppolo is a great quarterback,

and I think Jimmy Garoppolo was the man

to take over for Brady because he is,

if there's anybody close to being

as good as Jimmy Garoppolo, he's one of those guys.

He's got a lot more to prove, you know.

Tom's made it to eight Superbowls, and won five.

Greatest of all time.

So, you gotta win, you gotta win.

You gotta beat him.

[Interviewer] Do you ever cheer for the Yankees?

No.

[Interviewer] Never?

Never.

[Interviewer] You seem a bit nervous there Mark.

I've never.

[Interviewer] Is there any city you love more than Boston?

Paris.

[Interviewer] Now, it's time to talk about the essentials.

Have you ever eaten a burger from Wahlburgers?

Yes.

[Interviewer] Is it better than a Big Mac?

Yes, much.

[Interviewer] Where does a Wahlburger rank

against all the other burgers you've ever had?

Number one.

Except for the burger that I made at my house,

for my brother Paul.

I can tell you how I feel about

all the other burger places too.

[Interviewer] Do you read reviews

of your performances in movies?

Good ones.

[Interviewer] But, not the bad ones?

Every once in a while I'll take a peek at the bad ones,

to see how bad it is.

But, I have people that work with me

that will sift through them,

and have a tendency to send the good ones.

[Interviewer] Have you ever responded to an online troll?

No.

[Interviewer] Really?

I've never talked to anybody online.

[Interviewer] Do people recognize you on the street?

Sometimes.

Sometimes they mistake me for other people.

[Interviewer] Do they ever mistake you for Matt Damon?

Many times.

[Interviewer] And, have you ever

pretended to be Matt Damon?

Yes.

A couple times.

I mean, the big thing is, I just don't have time to explain

the difference between Matt Damon and myself.

So, I say, if they say, we loved you in Bourne,

I just say, thank you, and keep going.

[Interviewer] Is there a line from one of you movies

that people shout out at you?

A lot of people say, say hi to your mother for me,

which is so random because I don't

ever remember actually saying that.

Fear is quoted quite a bit.

Departed is quoted quite a bit.

I'm the guy who does this job, you must be the other guy.

[Interviewer] People shout that at you, on the street?

Like random shit, you know.

[Interviewer] Is is true that you have a tattoo

of Bob Marley on your shoulder?

It's true that I had a tattoo

of Bob Marley on my shoulder.

I had all of my tattoos removed.

Is that true?

[Interviewer] I heard that you still

write rap sometimes, is that true?

Yes.

[Interviewer] So, you gonna drop a mixtape soon, or?

No.

[Interviewer] Let's talk about your career.

Do you ever hang out with any of your costars?

No.

[Interviewer] Never?

On occasion, rarely.

[Interviewer] So, you never hang out

with this man outside of work?

I would like to, but he doesn't return my calls.

[Interviewer] Is Will Ferrell as funny in real life

as he seems on camera?

Yes.

[Interviewer] Did he make you laugh offscreen?

Yes.

[Interviewer] Do you remember anything he said?

He says many funny things, often.

But, he is also sweeter than he is funny,

if that's possible, it's hard to believe, but it's true.

How am I doing buddy?

Stiffer than me over there.

He's good.

[Interviewer] When you played Mark Wahlberg in Entourage,

was that an accurate depiction of you?

No.

[Interviewer] Are there any roles you turned down

that you wish you hadn't?

No.

[Interviewer] Really?

I've dodged more bullets than I've made bad choices.

Well, I've dodged more bullets

than missed opportunities, so.

[Interviewer] Would you say that the Transformers movies

were the best toy adaptation movies to date?

My two Transformers were certainly not.

I think the first Transformers was probably the best,

but, you know, then you got the Lego Movie.

Which was pretty damn good.

Have to like screen 'em both simultaneously.

Literally two screens at once,

to really make a fair assessment of that.

Is that honest?

[Interviewer] Moving on to workouts.

Do you workout every day?

No, not every day.

But most days.

[Interviewer] Would you like to work out every day?

No, I think there's a time to rest.

But, I do always feel better.

Like, I feel bad going into the gym,

but I always feel good when it's over.

[Interviewer] What do you bench?

The most I've ever benched, I'd say, is 365.

But, labrum tears in both shoulders.

So, benching's not good.

[Interviewer] You ever bench another person?

I have benched another person.

I've thrown another person across the room

onto another person, while they were sleeping on the couch.

I have a video of it, I could show you later.

It's a good video.

[Interviewer] I'd like to check that out.

Do you think you could outlift this person?

Dwayne the Rock Johnson.

I don't think I could outlift him.

We actually, we made a movie together.

And, we worked out, not really together,

we kind of worked out on the set a little bit.

But, he's a very strong man.

If it were just a lifting contest, no,

I think he would be hard to beat.

But, you know, functional movement, exercises and stuff,

I think we could make him vomit his breakfast in the gym

with other exercises that are not for big mans of his size.

[Interviewer] Last up, we're talking about security.

Are you an agent of the Israeli government?

I have affiliates in the Mossad, yes.

[Interviewer] Good one Mark.

Have you ever been involved in acts of espionage?

No.

You're feeling a little uncertain over there my friend.

[Interviewer] Can we trust you?

Yeah, in this situation.

[Interviewer] Is there something that people

don't know about you that you wish they did?

No. They're probably a lot of things that people

don't know about me, but I'm not

necessarily concerned with them knowing.

Is that true?

Bam.

[Interviewer] Final question, at any point

in this interview did you lie and we didn't catch you?

No.

I think, if anything I just maybe

didn't say the complete whole truth

and nothing but the truth maybe, not to offend.

(crashing)