Sarah Paulson Takes a Lie Detector Test

So my blood pressure's already up,

does that mean that--

Nah it'll be fine.

It'll be fine, he says.

Help me.

Did you watch the lie detector test

they did on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills?

I did not.

Because I wanna know whether you determine that

to be a legitimate test or not,

I mean I can't tell if it was real, was it real?

I did not see that.

Well you oughta check it out, I'd like to know,

let me know your findings.

[dramatic music]

[Man] Is your name Sarah Paulson?

Yes.

[laughing]

I'm so nervous!

[Man] We're you born in the city of Tampa, Florida?

Yes, I was.

[Man] And are you an Emmy award winning actress?

Yes!

[Man] Are you ready to take this lie detector test?

Not really, but I'm gonna do it.

My heart just already ticked up, didn't it Barry?

I think it did.

[laughing]

[Man] Why don't we talk about your life.

So you attended La Guardia High School in New York,

aka the Fame High School, right?

Correct.

[Man] Did you by any chance

watch the movie before going there?

Why do you seem so hostile, are you like playing a part

as like a hostile interrogator?

[Man] I am the interrogator.

Okay, yes I did watch the movie.

[Man] Did you watch the 2009 remake?

No.

[Man] Why not?

I wasn't interested.

[Man] Did you ever lose a role

to this fellow La Guardia alum?

Sarah Michelle Gellar?

I don't think so, only a casting director could tell you

but I don't think so, I'm so nervous.

'Cause when my heart races, I'm afraid it's gonna affect--

[Barry] No, no.

Maybe that's not what you can tell the blood from,

what, what, I don't know.

[Man] It says here you were a waitress briefly,

is that correct?

Very briefly.

[Man] And is it true that you quit

after just one day, because you didn't know

how to spell parmesan?

That is correct.

[Man] Can you spell parmesan now?

No I can't.

P-A-R, parm, M,

i-zhon, no, I can't, I can't.

I actually can't.

[Man] Halfway.

Did you have a special way of handling customers

that didn't tip well?

I wasn't there long enough to receive a tip,

I literally went home the same day I started.

[Man] Okay, would you consider yourself a good tipper?

Yes, I'm a great tipper.

[Man] Always 20%?

Usually more, isn't that true?

That's truthful.

[Man] You've previously spoken about your fear

of clusters of small holes,

is that something you're still afraid of?

Yes, I'm not interested in, it makes me nervous

to talk about, I don't like anything clustered too close

or nestled, I don't like it, holes,

oh are you gonna show me a hole?

[Man] What about this cereal, could you eat this?

Is this like a wheel, a honey wheel, what is it,

I don't like it, not interested in that,

take it away so I don't puke on you.

[Man] What about this movie,

did this movie make you nervous?

Why are you doing this to me?

No.

[laughing]

This is the movie Holes, nope, the word doesn't bother me

and I really like all those actors.

That's true, no?

Not a lie.

I don't see any readout,

oh it will read crazy if it's a lie.

Barry makes me nervous.

[laughing]

[Man] Let's move on to your career.

Uh oh.

[Man] You've been collaborating with Ryan Murphy

for almost 10 years, is that correct?

Correct, I mean I don't know if it's the exact year

but yeah, I'm gonna trust that you researched that.

[Man] Do you think you're his favorite

of all the American Horror Story cast members?

I don't, I think his favorite is Jessica Lange.

[Man] Do you think this man is his least favorite?

[laughing]

I don't think he's mad at Evan, I love Evan, I miss Evan.

[Man] Could you name all of the eight seasons

of American Horror Story in 10 seconds?

All of the eight seasons meaning their full titles?

[Man] Just the names.

The names, okay, action.

Murder House, Asylum, Coven, Freak Show, Hotel,

Roanoke, Cult, Apocalypse.

[Man] You did it.

I did it!

[Man] Not bad.

What about the other seven members of your Ocean's 8 crew,

could you name them?

Okay, action, Sandi, Cate, Mindy, Nora Awkwafina,

me, Rihanna, Anne Hathaway.

[Man] Is eight a recurring number in your life?

I don't think so.

[Man] Be honest, are you a part of the Illuminati?

No.

Are you in the Illuminati, you're a very angry person,

you ask a lot of questions with a lot of anger in your voice

I just want you to know that,

doesn't make a person entirely comfortable.

[Man] Making people comfortable isn't my job.

You took part in a jewelry heist in Ocean's 8,

you ever stolen anything in real life?

Yes.

[Man] Oh, do tell.

Can't I plead the fifth?

[Man] What was it?

I stole, I stole a lot of candy when I was a kid

from the local store, I apologize Barry, for that,

yeah I'm gonna plead the fifth,

but there was another larger steal.

It's embarrassing to talk about, I was very young,

too old to have done it but young.

[Man] And you portrayed Marcia Clarke

in American Crime Story, right?

Yes.

[Man] And I heard you wore her perfume

while playing the role.

Yes.

[Man] Did you like the smell of that perfume?

No it stunk, it stunk so bad it was like

the bottom of a pond, like, like a feckened moss,

peat moss, Marcia didn't like my saying that

because it made it seem like she was stinky at that time

but she wasn't stinky at that time,

the perfume had turned 'cause I bought it on eBay,

so she didn't smell, back then it probably smelled good

and fresh, but when I wore it it smelled like [beep].

[Man] Okay, let's move on to pop culture.

[Sarah] Uh oh.

[Man] You've talked about your allegiance

to the Real Housewives series.

Yes, oh you're gonna make me pick a favorite.

[Man] With Bethenny Frankel not returning

for this season on New York, do you think

the show will survive without her?

I think the star of the Beverly Hills,

of sorry, I'm very nervous, I think the star

of the Real Housewives is the franchise itself

so I think it will survive without her yes,

although I personally will miss her.

I'd like them to bring back Jill Zarin though, personally.

[Man] Will you miss Lisa Vanderpump?

You know I don't want to get, I don't want

her coming after me on Twitter

but I won't, I won't miss her.

I'll miss the dynamic she brings to the group

which is, you know, the fear of God she instills

in everyone but no I won't miss her,

I met her once at a party, she wasn't that nice to me.

Am I gonna get in trouble for that?

She wasn't that nice.

[Man] If your acting career were ever to plateau,

would you join the cast of Real Housewives?

Yes.

[Man] Which one?

New York, New York is my number one,

it's my OG as the kids say.

[Man] Have you ever considered

what your tagline would be?

Probably what my tagline is on Twitter too,

just, always hungry.

I'm an actress after all.

[Man] You've been best friends with Amanda Peet

for over 20 years, is that correct?

Correct.

[laughing]

that's my best friend, there she is you guys.

[Man] And she's married to Game of Thrones

co-creator David Benioff.

Yes.

[Man] Did you ever as her to help

get you a role on Game of Thrones?

No.

[Man] Did you know what would happen

before the final season aired?

No, they wouldn't tell me

and also I didn't wanna know,

'cause I'm such a rabid fan, it was like

I didn't want it to be ruined for me.

[Man] Should a woman have been chosen for the Iron Throne?

[humming]

I don't know, I'm happy with how it ended,

I just wish it hadn't ended.

Is that a lie?

She has not lied this entire session.

So far I've told no fibs kids.

No lying happening.

[Man] You also mentioned you became friends

with Rihanna during the filming of Ocean's 8, right?

Well I mean like, yes, she's been nice to me,

I have her phone number, I think she's changed it

recently though, 'cause she hasn't texted me back.

[Man] So you don't still keep in touch?

Well I, I just interviewed her for Interview Magazine

so we had a nice phone call, yeah.

[Man] She ever come to you for relationship advice?

No.

[Man] What about acting advice?

No.

[Man] Do you wish she would?

No.

No.

I, look at her, umbrella ella, I love her.

[Man] At any point during this interview,

did you lie and we didn't catch you?

No, you didn't ask me anything scary,

you guys suck basically, you could have come up

with something that would have really

put me on the spot but you didn't.

[Man] Have you ever committed murder?

Yes, yes, I've committed several murders,

is there movement that indicates that that's a lie?

I think the machine knew that you were making a joke.

This is a fake lie detector test you guys.

I lied 30 times during this, FYI.

That's your first lie, you were being truthful until then.

You could tell, [beep].

[dramatic banging]