Kristen Bell and Kirby Howell-Baptiste Take a Lie Detector Test

You reprise the voice of Gossip Girl

in the current reboot.

Does that mean you've watched every episode of it?

Yes. Almost.

[Kirby] So who's your favorite character?

[ominous music builds]

Kristen? Yes.

Kirby? Yeah.

[Narrator] We've brought you in today

to take a lie detector test.

[Kirby exhales sharply]

One of you will be hooked up to the machine,

while the other one will ask the questions,

and then you'll switch.

[Kristen snorts] Hmm.

[Narrator] So who wants to be in the hot seat first?

[Kristen exhales sharply]

I'll-

I'm just nodding.

I'll get it over with.

Oh my God.

This isn't a joke.

This is a real lie detector.

[Sam] We're getting real close.

[Sam chuckles] We're getting close.

It's fine. We're working together.

Oh my God!

This is doing your skin conductivity.

And you can just email the results to me, I guess?

[electricity crackles] [ominous music]

[Kirby] Kristen.

Mm-hm?

I'm gonna ask you a few questions to start

to get a baseline for the machine.

Is that okay?

Okay, good.

Is your name Kristen Anne Bell?

Yes.

Is it Kristen Anne Bell, or, oh,

is it Kristen Annie Bell, isn't it?

Annie was a nickname I applied to myself when I was three.

I changed my name

to Annie. I did try

to trick you, perfect.

Are you from Huntington Woods, Michigan?

Guilty.

[Kirby] Are you ready to take this lie detector test?

No.

Okay. Sam?

We are good to go.

[door slams]

You mentioned on an episode of Armchair Expert

that you track the temperatures of avalanches.

Is that right? [Kristen laughs]

No.

[laughs] Would you say winter

is one of your favorite seasons?

Winter? Yeah!

Would you say you like snow more than this person?

No.

Are you sick of Frozen jokes?

Yes. Okay.

Do you hate sunshine?

I don't really hate anything.

No, I don't hate sunshine.

Are you a vampire?

[Kristen laughs]

I don't think so.

No, I'm not.

You're known for loving sloths,

but recently you said you think cows

are the cutest animals on the planet.

But have you ever seen one of these before?

A quokka? Of course.

Oh, she knows!

[scoffs] You don't think I know this guy?

I saw that word and I thought that was, like-

It's a marsupial.

[Kirby laughs]

They live in Australia.

They're, actually, this is almost

a real life size, the quokka.

They're so cute, and they're very friendly.

Wow.

She's telling the truth.

Thank you, Sam.

Now, do you still think cows are the cutest animals,

having seen, again,

the quokka? The quokka.

[sighs] No.

Okay.

If you could save only one

animal race- Pass.

[Kirby] Okay. [laughs]

You can ask it to me.

You can ask it to me.

If you could save any one animal race...

It's tough, because it's really two animals

that I don't know that would normally be

at the top of people's saving list, but it's

would you choose cows over sloths?

Pass.

[Kirby laughs] I can't answer that.

I hope you can read this on the machine.

The answer is, I literally don't know.

She's struggling, Sam.

She is telling the truth.

Oh, she's telling the truth, she doesn't know? Okay.

It has been said that you're the worst

to watch certain shows with because you mimic lines.

Do you still do that?

Yes.

[Kirby] Is it because you think you

do a better job of saying the lines?

Sometimes.

[Kirby and Kristen laugh]

Do you think you would have done a better job than her?

No.

[Kirby laughs]

No, I don't.

Sam?

She is telling the truth.

Wow! What about him?

Yeah.

[Kirby laughs] This accent

was a little wonky.

[Kirsten and Kirby laugh]

Sam?

That's questionable.

[Kristen gasps] Questionable!

Wow! I was being honest.

Maybe it spiked because I didn't wanna say it,

'cause it was not the most flattering thing.

But anytime you're an American doing a British accent,

it's gonna be under the microscope.

Yeah. Yeah.

This is a gotcha journalism.

Do you think you're a better actor than her?

[scoffs] Absolutely not.

And I also don't think I'm a better blonde than her.

Look at this.

Can I just tell everyone something that's now a fact?

You don't need to be blonde, okay?

It's been perfected.

It's like a John Hughes movie. Don't remake it.

This is the reason I went to, see my hair color?

It's the reason I went dark.

It's 'cause I saw this and I was like, Oh, she nailed it.

I'm out. [Kirby laughs, squeals]

Okay. Next question.

When you were on Dax's podcast Armchair Expert,

you talked about having a spotty memory.

Do you remember the first time you met your husband?

Yes.

[coughs] I do have a terrible memory,

which is one of the reasons I think I'm a happy individual.

I wake up with a pretty clean

Groundhog's Day slate every morning.

[Kirby laughs]

I actually do think some of the secret of being happy...

I think I'm great for people telling me their secrets

because people are like, Wow, I really can trust you,

but often, I just forget it.

It's gone.

I do remember the first time I met my husband.

It was at a dinner party at a sushi restaurant

for our mutual friend who's a producer,

and I didn't have any idea who Dax was,

and he didn't have any idea who I was,

and there was zero chemistry, and-

[Kirby] That's pretty magical.

I had his children.

[Kirby laughs]

You were infamously the narrator

on the original Gossip Girl.

Are you a gossip?

No, I think when people gossip,

it says a lot more about the person gossiping

than it does about the other person.

True. True.

This next question is, have you ever gossiped about me,

and I'm gonna take this one, because I would say

everyone has spoken about someone who they've

interacted with with someone else.

Yeah. I think it's a weird gotcha.

Yeah. But gossip is-

Gossip is a funny word, though.

A particular umbrella of, like, Did you hear Kirby-

Yes. In the context

of I've got secret information about,

and that's not how I roll.

You reprise the role of Gossip Girl

in the current reboot.

Does that mean you've watched every episode of it?

Yes. Almost.

[Kirby] So who's your favorite character?

Full disclosure...

[Kirby] [laughs] Full disclosure.

I watch it on mute because there's so much sex.

[Kirby laughs]

That's not [laughs] why I watch it on mute,

but I watch it on mute because I'm the narrator,

and I can't have all of the sounds coming out of their mouth

interfering with the sounds coming out of my mouth.

So I get the tape-

Oh!

And I mute it and I read my lines into my microphone.

So I don't know the character names

as well as I should. That's clever!

You and Dax have a new show called

Family Game Fight, right?

Yes.

[Kirby] Do you think your family would win in a fight?

Against who?

[Kirby] Against this family?

[laughs] Absolutely not. [Kirby laughs]

Absolutely not.

[Kirby] What about this family?

Probably.

[Kirby] Yeah.

Probably.

Well, most of them are old.

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, you've starred in mostly rom-coms.

Would you say that's accurate?

Yeah.

[Kirby] Do you think you're better

at the rom or the com part?

Neither.

Fairly average at both.

She is telling the truth.

[Kristen laughs] You've had a lot

of funny co-stars throughout your career.

Between these two, who would you say is funnier?

Bam! And bam!

Oh my God!

That is an incredibly difficult-

[Kirby] Yeah, that's tough.

Decision.

[Kristen inhales sharply]

If we're talking about who makes me laugh

on a daily basis, it's gonna be Bateman.

Bateman?

Because he knows my sense of humor

very, very well and pokes at it.

But as far as his writing and construct

of comedy is concerned, it's [taps table]

Jason. There you go. Wow.

Okay, you're a known fan of the show Tiny Chef, correct?

[Kristen] Correct. Yes.

Do you agree with the saying that Great things

come in small packages?

Absolutely.

Is that because you're only five-foot-one?

Absolutely.

[Kirby] Do you think the Tiny Chef

is better than this chef?

Yes.

[Kirby] What about this chef?

I don't even need to see it. Yes.

[Kirby laughs]

That might be a tie.

[Kirby laughs]

Perfect.

That sums it up. You are going to prison.

[laughing] Oh my God!

So I shoulda gone first. I'm nervous.

[door slams]

[Kristen] Kirby.

Yes.

We've brought you here today to take

[exhales sharply] a lie detector test. Yes.

I'm gonna ask you a few questions

just to start the baseline of the machine.

Is that okay?

That's okay.

Is she lying?

I have to get a baseline.

[Kirby and Kristen laugh]

Sam is like, Slow down there.

I was just gonna get the hang of it.

[Kirby laughs]

[Kristen snorts]

Okay, we were gonna ask you a few questions.

We're also here in a room. Is she lying?

[Kristen laughs]

You let me know.

[Kirby] Okay, we're ready.

[Kristen] Is your name Kirby Howell-Baptiste?

Yes.

[Kristen] Are you from London, England?

Yes.

[Kristen] Are you ready to take this lie detector test?

Yes.

♪ Dun-dun ♪

You moved to Los Angeles in 2012.

Would you consider yourself a true Californian now?

No.

[Kristen] Do you prefer living in London rather than L.A.?

Ooh.

No?

I'm really 50-50 on it, but I hate when my socks

get wet and cold, and that's what I think about

all the time when I think about moving back to London,

is like, Oh, you're gonna spend seven months

of the year with wet, cold socks.

Do you not wear shoes?

No, the rain will soak through your shoes.

If you haven't worn Wellington boots,

if you didn't plan it, it will rain so much

it will soak through your shoes,

and if you have to carry on with your day,

you just have to carry on with wet shoes.

[sighs] And when you move to California,

you never have to deal with that.

No, there's no wet socks in California.

Never! No.

Do you feel like, based on that wet-sock comment,

that you're turning your back on your fellow countrymen?

No.

Okay.

You've been a member of UCB since 2012 as well.

Would you say you're good at improv?

Yes.

[Kristen] Better than this person?

[gasps] Yes.

[laughs] I say it without hesitation.

Yeah. Show me the next one.

Better than this person?

Yes. She doesn't do improv!

That's true.

I know that's true. [Kirby laughs]

I don't even need to look at Sam.

[Kristen inhales and exhales sharply]

We were both on the show The Good Place.

Would you say that America is currently

in the Good Place or the Bad Place?

The Bad Place.

[clears throat] That's correct, right?

Yeah, that's correct.

Do you think you'd be let into the Good Place?

Yes.

I agree.

So do you think you're better than everyone else?

No.

[Kristen] Just some people?

Yes.

I know that's right. I didn't even need to look at you.

[clears throat] Have you ever gotten

in trouble with the law?

No.

Hm.

Have you ever tried talking your way out of a ticket?

No.

[Kristen] Have you ever gotten a ticket?

Yes.

Then she has gotten in trouble with the law,

so make a mark on there. [Kirby laughs]

Gotcha!

Remember your training.

Do you think I'm having a hard time handling these papers?

No, I actually love the way you licked it and flicked it.

And I was like, I should have unripped the staple

instead of just holding that. I think this is canceled,

though.

I think it looks amazing. Post-COVID,

this is canceled.

You shouldn't do it,

but it looks cool. But it's always

gonna be cool. Yeah.

The popular word right now for cringe is cheugy.

Do you think that I knew that before I read

that sentence? Absolutely not.

Correct. No one in this room did.

She is telling the truth.

[Kristen] That's correct.

Do you think these cheugy items belong in the Bad Place?

No, I love Dave & Buster's.

A Crock-Pot? No, I like it!

Who the hell? Oh, like- Improv troupes.

No! They're in the Good Place also.

Eh, I'll sort them in the Bad Place.

Okay, maybe they can be in the Bad Place,

'cause the majority is bad,

Crock-Pot is in the Medium Place,

and Dave & Buster's is Good Place all day, every day.

You can get a margarita with a Corona in it.

[laughs] No, no.

Sam, I believe that she

believes what she's saying. Don't waste my time,

Sam, okay?

She is telling the truth.

Okay, on the Think Bigger Actors Podcast,

you said you consider yourself a social media hermit.

Mm.

[Kristen] Does that mean you don't like social media?

Yes.

Have you ever posted a thirst trap?

Yes!

Is that true?

She is telling the truth.

I would, because I would say I think the reason

why it's reading as true is, I think

not like outwardly thirsty, but I have posted

a photo in a bathing suit, and anything where

less than 50% of your body is covered-

Is considered a fraction-

Is at least gonna be seen as a thirst trap.

And actually, if we're all gonna be honest,

let's be honest, people, 'cause everyone

wants to be like, It's just me.

It's a thirst trap. Be real!

God, can we not be real?

Oh, you in your underwear, it's just for you?

Then dance in the mirror.

Are you the coolest person I know?

[laughs] Yes.

Yes, she is.

I know. I knew that was true.

Have you ever commented on a celebrity's post

that you've never met?

No.

No, I believe that one.

Do you ever look at my social media feed?

Yes.

[Kristen] Do you like my posts?

Yes.

She is telling the truth.

You've spoken about how much you love weed.

Yes.

Did that love grow after moving to L.A.?

Yes, it started in L.A.

[Kristen] Do you wish you were high right now?

Yes.

[Kristen] Are you high right now?

No.

Have you ever grown your own weed?

Yes.

Hmm!

I mean, you're an entrepreneur in so many ways.

Being that Queenpins is our fourth project

working together, would you say

that I have weird quirks or mannerisms

more than other people you've worked with?

No.

She's a little freak, but not more than anyone.

It's like great freak. [Kristen laughs]

Now that we've done four projects together,

don't you think it's time for us to create one?

Yes.

Amen.

Do you think you have a good sense of style?

Yes.

Do you think you're more fashionable than her?

Yes.

Oh my...

I think she knows fashion.

But you try it out.

What about her?

Maybe.

Where? Okay, the picture they did,

I'm sorry.

[Kristen laughs]

But you're in a scarf indoors.

What am I gonna say?

Than this? Yes.

[Kristen] Look at this.

Look at the jeans!

[Kirby and Kristen laugh]

Not today, but in this photo, yes.

Okay, one final question.

Did you lie at any point during this lie detector test?

No, I don't think so.

She is telling the truth.

I did mark the parking ticket one, though.

[Kristen] Thank you.

[Kirby laughs] Just make a note,

because if there's a prize or something, make a note.

[laughing] Sam is like, No, but we know she did it.

[door slams]