Amy Poehler & Rashida Jones Take a Lie Detector Test

This is an important question.

[Amy clearing throat]

Do you guys have a group chat without me?

[dramatic music]

Why would we do that?

[Man] Amy.

Yes.

[Man] Rashida.

Yes.

[Man] We've brought you here today

to take a lie detector test.

No problem.

No problem.

No matter what happens, I don't believe

in lie detector tests.

Okay.

That seems convenient.

[Man] The way this is gonna work

is that one of you will be hooked

up to the lie detector while the other

asks questions, and then you'll switch.

So, who wants to be in the hot seat first?

I'm putting you in the hot seat.

I'm ready.

I will tell you the truth, no matter what.

I never lie to my wife.

[laughing]

[metal clinking]

[electricity buzzing]

Wow.

Have you ever done this before?

Not for the camera.

For my own pleasure, yes.

Ow!

[Sam laughing]

[Rashida laughing] That's a first.

[dramatic music]

[Rashida] Okay.

How's this look?

[Rashida] Great.

Great.

Kind of like, BDSM-y?

Yeah, right on.

All right, so--

Sub dom.

Sorry.

[laughing] You just had to say it.

Is that what you were asking?

[Rashida] [laughing] Yes.

Okay.

We're gonna start off easy,

just to test the parameters, you ready?

Are you ready Sam?

We're ready.

Is your name Amy Poehler?

[voice shaking] Yes!

[laughing]

Are you one of the founding members

of the Upright Citizen's Brigade?

Yes.

Are you ready to take this lie detector test?

I've never been more ready.

All right, let's get started.

Would you say that your parenting tactics

are anything like your character's in Mean Girls?

Oh, no, no.

Rashida, one of the things you know

about me is I love to get into character.

Dive deep.

'Cause I love my craft.

[laughing]

So, once I leave my characters,

I don't bring them home with me.

Have you opened a wine shop?

Yes. In Park Slope?

Yes, I own a wine shop in Park Slope.

You don't know everything about me, Rashida.

Is that true?

That is true.

What?

Yeah, you didn't know that?

No, I'm actually upset right now.

[laughing]

So cool!

Okay, would you consider yourself a wine snob?

No, I'm not a wine snob.

I think I know a little bit about wine,

but I think I would be afraid to be around people

who really know about wine.

I know enough to not say that.

But don't we think that wine snobs

are just people who think they know

more than everybody else,

not necessarily the people who do know

more than everybody else?

Yeah, yeah, then I am a wine snob.

Have you ever conducted a wine tasting

at that bar?

Yes.

What? [sighing]

I mean, I've--

[laughing]

I'm so confused.

[Amy] [laughing] I'm so sorry

that I didn't invite you. There's a whole part

of your life that I haven't been let into.

I'm so sorry that I didn't invite you,

but I was afraid you were going to ruin it.

Oh.

[laughing]

That's so fair.

That's fair.

I know how you get at wine tastings.

I know, I know, I'm out of control.

You get very rowdy, you get very rowdy.

Yes, I've been around one, I don't know

if I've conducted it.

Can you improvise a fake wine

description right now?

Oh yeah, sure.

Okay, this a white.

Okay.

What I like about this is it's very crisp.

And it has almost like an,

it's very apple forward.

And it is, it's aggressively summer.

But there's some vanilla notes,

there's a little bit of pineapple.

There's the smell of desperation,

which is always really great

when you're drinking a white late at night.

The finish is really smooth.

It's kind of like, what we like to call,

a jazzy finish.

[Rashida] Jazzy finish.

Yeah.

Does it have legs?

All of my stuff has legs.

That's questionable.

Yeah, right.

[laughing]

Would you ever do a Parks and Rec reunion?

100%.

Yes, I've made that very clear.

Sam?

That's true.

Okay.

I want it too much.

You know what I mean?

I need to pump the breaks.

Right.

Did this man, this man right here.

[Amy gasping]

Did he ever make you break on set?

Oh, yes.

Break, break dance, break down.

[Rashida chuckling]

Break a dish.

You know what I love about Nick?

He looks like he could be a member of my family.

You guys definitely look alike, yes.

We are probably related.

Do you text with any of your former co stars?

I do.

We have a text chain, and we see

each other, we all see each other a lot.

This is an important question.

[Amy clearing throat]

Do you guys have a group chat without me?

[dramatic music]

Why would we do that?

Answer the question.

Why would we have a group chat without you?

That's crazy. Because I know

for a fact, that

there's a post [chuckling] season six

group chat, that I'm not on.

Well, this is why lie detectors don't work.

Because this is the answer.

She's skirting the question folks.

You wanna know the truth, here's the truth.

[Rashida sighing]

There's about four Parks and Rec text chains.

There's Parks Fam, right?

There's like Parks Fam, there's Parks and Rec.

Not in that one. Yes.

And there's another one.

And there was one, that we don't use,

because you're not on it, and Chris Traeger's

not on it, Rob Lowe's not on it.

But I think it started because we were trying

to surprise you.

Oh.

And we kept you off of it.

So to answer your question, yes, there is a text

chain that you're not on.

There is, but, I do also think

there are four other text chains that--

That I'm also not on?

That you're also not on.

[both laughing]

Okay. [clearing throat]

You, [laughing] oh, [laughing] I thought

this said, you were on SNL for several reasons.

But it said, you were on SNL for several seasons.

I was on SNL for several reasons.

[laughing]

How many reasons were you on SNL?

[Rashida] How many reasons

were you on SNL for? I think I was on there

for like, seven reasons.

Yeah, okay.

Is that true?

That's true.

[Amy chuckling] Okay.

Do you think that I would make

a good cast member?

100%.

[whispering] Thanks.

You can sing, you're funny,

you're a great actor, you have the temperament

of that kinda comedy emergency room, 100%.

Thank you so much.

You're very welcome.

That's the best truth you've told.

I think you should audition for it now.

[laughing] I think that's a good idea.

I think it's a really good idea.

You should do an impression of Anne

from Parks and Rec. [laughing]

Oh my God, that's the only one I have.

[laughing]

And, also my character from Duncanville,

I could do that impression.

You said already that I'd be a good cast member

of SNL, which I really appreciate.

Do you think that I would've been

a better weekend update co host

than that guy?

Oh, this is like--

I know, it's real.

You know, an I'm not really prepared

to answer that question, 'cause I don't know.

I feel like you'd both do a great job.

I think you'd both do a better job

than I would.

No.

[laughing] No.

The machine's going

clink clink clink clink clink.

[laughing]

Honestly, what does it say?

[laughing]

That's crazy, of course you guys

would have done a better job than I did.

You can be honest, and I will accept it.

And also, you're plugged in.

I think the sexual chemistry

would've been better between you and I.

But I do think Seth did an okay job.

He's okay.

He's a solid C.

Did you ever do anything backstage

with this woman, that in any state,

or any country, could be considered illegal?

I've never seen this woman before in my life.

Sam?

That's not true.

Wow, so many lies.

Okay, aside from acting, writing,

and directing, you also produce.

Is it safe to say that you conduct

a lot of your business over email?

That is safe to say, yes.

Have you used the phrase circle

back in the last 24 hours?

Circle back is a great phrase.

You like it?

Love it.

Why?

I like it because it's like,

I don't wanna answer your question.

Let's just circle back.

And I'll just move in a circle while I don't.

And hopefully you'll forget it.

Have you ever passive aggressively written,

as stated in my last email,

[laughing] to someone who clearly did not read

your last email?

Or something of that ilk.

I really try not to be passive

aggressive these days.

Just straight up aggressive.

I try to be straight up aggressive.

But, of course I have.

I've probably written things like,

it seems like you don't really have time

to answer this question.

[laughing] Like, stuff like that.

Or like, maybe I should take

your silence as an indication

that you're not interested in this.

That's great.

But that's pretty passive aggressive.

What about you, have you done that?

Oh, definitely.

I'm so passive aggressive on email.

I always like writing, looking forward.

I also write a lot of checking in, dot dot dot.

Checking in.

Like, the fuck are you?

You know?

Putting this at the top of your inbox again.

Oh yeah, that was another one.

Bumping this to the top of your--

[Amy] Bumping this to the top of the inbox.

Do you do that?

Yeah.

Bumping?

Bumping this to the top of your inbox,

in case you haven't seen it.

You're a real piece of shit.

[laughing]

We should answer emails more, it seems

like we have fun doing it.

I know.

[laughing]

Okay, do you watch everything I'm in?

No.

Okay.

Only because you are in a lot of things.

And I don't think I've seen it all.

And I don't wanna lie.

And I feel like there'll probably be

some kinda surgery coming up

at some point, that I'll be in bed for,

and I'll catch up. You'll catch up on me.

Yeah.

I'd rather be with you during surgery anyway.

[laughing]

At any point in this interview,

did you lie and we didn't catch you?

[dramatic music]

The answer is did I?

You know?

If you rewind back everything we've said,

and you take the first word of everything

that I said, it was a riddle,

and it's gonna tell you where the--

[Rashida] Builds a sentence.

Body is buried.

Go back and you'll see.

Transcribe the tapes.

Open the box, and see what's in there.

You're not gonna like it.

I'm not gonna like it.

[dramatic music]

I do like the look, it feels

very Balenciaga 2020, right?

It is.

It's very high fashion.

It's very Rick Owens.

[both laughing]

Is your name Rashida Jones?

Yes.

[laughing]

Already lying!

Already lying.

Is your dad musical legend Quincy Jones?

Yes he is.

Are you nervous to take this lie detector test?

Yup.

[laughing]

Does yup count as an answer?

[laughing]

Was I lying?

You're telling the truth.

Okay.

You went to Harvard.

I did.

Do you think you're better than me

because of that?

[laughing] Definitely not, absolutely.

Worse.

Did you write for the Harvard Lampoon?

I did not.

Is it because you thought the guys

that wrote for the Harvard Lampoon were annoying?

[gasping] [laughing] This is so bad.

A little bit.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

Rashida, we were in Parks and Rec together.

Did the cast ever talk about me behind my back?

No.

No!

It's true.

She's telling the truth.

You know we're tight.

[sighing] Were my improvised dance

parties on set ever annoying?

Never.

Yes!

I knew it.

Still the joy of my life.

Do you think I'm a good dancer?

I do.

Oh my God.

[chuckling]

But, Rashida, do you ever have fantasies

about, like, being a professional dancer?

Of course.

I mean, I would never.

But do you think you could be one?

No, at this point, no.

Like a middle aged upstart?

No.

Maybe had I done some ground work

early on, maybe, but, probably not.

Would you go on Do You Think You Can Dance?

No.

No.

That seems hard.

You've played characters that have been

under both this character, Michael Scott,

and Lesley Knope.

Who is the better boss?

Lesley Knope.

But, I will say, Steve Carrel was also my boss,

as a human being, and he's a better boss

than Michael Scott.

So you're going on record to say

that you like Steve Carrel?

[Rashida] I do like Steve Carrel.

First person I've heard say that.

I know, it's tough for him out there.

You were voted Most Likely to Succeed

in high school?

I was.

What?

I did not know that!

I was.

It's me and Taryll Jackson,

who's Tito Jackson's son.

And then in the picture, we're like, have a wad

of cash, like every '90s, wad of cash--

In front of a car. In a hat.

And I'm in my cheerleading outfit.

[laughing]

Wait, what?

[laughing]

Wait, what?

You were in a cheerleading outfit,

wad of cash, 'cause that's success.

Right.

That's amazing.

Do you hate being asked

what it's like to be a woman in comedy?

Yes.

Is there answer you wish you could say,

that you've never been able to?

Ask me something else that's not stupid.

[laughing]

That's the answer, you wish

you could be like, that's stupid.

You don't mean that.

That's what I wish I could say.

You don't mean that.

You don't mean that.

That's a good one.

That would be a good one to put in an email.

You're better than that. You don't mean that.

[gasping] Oh my God, I thought

you were better than that.

Thought that you were better than that.

That's awful. And you just type

it in really tiny letters, so it sounds

like you're whispering it.

You're like this.

Oh my God, I thought you were better than that.

[laughing]

If I called you from jail, would you bail me out?

Definitely.

Even if you didn't know what it was?

Yeah.

Thanks.

If you were stuck on a remote desert island

with either me or Chris Pratt,

who would you choose?

[sighing]

Think about it.

I mean, he's got a lot of pros.

He can cut wood, he could build something.

He's got a good attitude, too.

He does have a good attitude.

And my attitude would be in the dumpster.

Yeah, he's strong.

I mean, you and I--

We would just spiral. [laughing]

We couldn't hold Nick down in like a comedy

stage acting way.

For sheer time, value of time, I would say you,

because we have so much to talk about,

we never don't have anything to talk about.

But if I was trying to survive,

probably that guy.

Yeah.

Sorry.

I do love you though.

If Pratt died, there'd be more to eat.

That's true.

You wrote an episode of Black Mirror,

and it explores the way we rate people

on social media.

Do you seek validation on social media?

I try not to, but yes, sometimes I do.

Have you ever posted a thirst trap?

[both laughing]

Like not expressly.

Like I think I've posted things

that were out of my comfort zone

in terms of trying to come off sexy,

but not to actually entrap someone.

I did not know this.

You were in rapper Jeremih's song, Pass Dat.

Oh yeah!

He calls you bad.

That's right!

What is the story there?

I don't know, I heard it when it first came

out, and I was like, okay!

Be like, oh my God, don't say that about me.

I don't know Jeremih, but cool!

You're like, ugh, guys, it's so embarrassing,

this guys' talking about me.

Yeah, I am in that song.

If you could pick a song

that was like your anthem, even for the year.

You know what song I love

is that Khalid song.

It's from last year.

♪ Can't we just talk ♪

♪ Can't we just just talk ♪

Such a good song.

So good. His voice is so good!

It's so good.

Okay, and Rashida, at any point

during this interview did you lie?

I don't think so, but I'm having

a weird sensation where I'm not sure

if I'm lying.

Because I'm hooked up to something

that's trying, that's why I keep asking

you if I'm lying, 'cause I just don't know.

I don't think so.

Did I? [Sam chuckling]

Be real.

This is your moment, be real, did I lie?

You are telling the truth.

Okay.

Spoken like a true sociopath.

[dramatic music]