The Big Comfy Couch

J.D. Vance’s Mythical Couch Tryst Is a Fact-Checker’s Nightmare. Stephen Colbert Explains Why.

During his Late Show monologue, Colbert roasted Donald Trump’s running mate for the untrue (?) sofa-billy elegy currently delighting the internet.
Image may contain People Person Crowd Electrical Device Microphone Adult Accessories Formal Wear Tie and Audience
RADFORD, VIRGINIA - JULY 22: Republican vice presidential nominee, U.S. Sen. J.D. Vance (R-OH) speaks at a campaign rally at Radford University on July 22, 2024 in Radford, Virginia. Vance is on the first campaign swing for either presidential ticket since President Joe Biden yesterday abruptly ended his reelection bid and threw his support behind Vice President Kamala Harris. (Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images)Alex Wong/Getty Images

Are you confused and intrigued by all the memes and jokes about Donald Trump’s VP nominee, J.D. Vance, having carnal relations with a couch? Well, you’re not alone. During his Late Show monologue on Thursday, Stephen Colbert unpacked the online discourse surrounding Vance and his fictional fancying of furniture.

Colbert shouted out the Associated Press for bringing the Vance-couch conversation into the public sphere via a fact-check article titled “No, J.D. Vance Did Not Have Sex With a Couch.” The rumor, Colbert explained, was spread by various social media accounts alleging that Vance described having sex with a couch in his book, Hillbilly Elegy. The internet has run wild with the made-up claim, with more and more people making memes and jokes about Vance’s supposed predilection for plush furniture.

The Late Show host joined in, joking that Vance is not the only politician to be accused of sexual relations with an inanimate object. He then played a doctored clip of President Bill Clinton saying, “I did not have sexual relations with that ottoman.” (Ottomans are having a moment—a source recently told Vanity Fair that third-party presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s friends would joke: “It’s safe to say he would sleep with an ottoman.”) Colbert went on to add that Vance would never sleep with a couch because he’s a devout religious conservative. “He knows it’s Adam and Eve, not Raymour & Flanigan,” said Colbert.

Jokes aside, Colbert lamented how big a problem misinformation can be in the digital age. “Even a well-meaning fact-check can wind up amplifying a false story, so all of us, all of us—please—have responsibility to stop the spread of vicious rumors like ‘J.D. Vance had sex with a couch,’” he said, direct to camera. “Because it’s simply not true, which is why we have to refuse to use the hashtag #CushionPushinJDVance.”

At the end of his monologue, Colbert highlighted a “troubling twist” to the Vance-couch conversation: the AP has removed its fact-check. “Which can mean only one of two things: Either the original story does not meet the AP’s rigorous standards,” he said, “Or J.D. Vance had sex with a couch!” You be the judge.

It’s not helping Republicans with their sense of buyer’s remorse where Vance is concerned.